Untitled

Well it's been awhile since I felt like writing. 1. because I had nothing new or exciting to update about. 2. I wasn't sure what other topic to write about (there's tons really) 3. My anxiety. Yea I've had a draft typed out and ready to post for a little over a month, but I couldn't seem to hit the post button. I kept overthinking and over worrying about what I've been writing. And so I left it sitting in my drafts to collect cob webs. Well today of all days I feel like posting and even adding on to my post I had sitting and waiting. I couldn't think of a title so I've left it Untitled. Anyways please read on!👀

Well I have some good news! I know the name of my father as well as his mothers name. AKA, my grandma!! I do believe my grandma is alive as well as my father possibly. Buuuuut that's all I know. The search seems never ending! lol I'm beginning to question if I even want to know more about my family. I could have siblings on my fathers side, for all I know!! Who knows if I will ever find out. I don't know what else to do, but just let it be. If I get a lead and more info on my fathers side, then sweet!! If not, then I don't. Which yes it saddens me, but there's only so much I can do right now. So I will not stress it. Leave it to God and the universe! 🙏💕

The relationship with my sisters is still growing. Always learning new things about them and what it's like to have sisters. Sometimes I feel like the mediator, trying not to take sides, just encouraging both my sisters, giving advice when I can and spread good vibes. I can't say for sure if it always works. 🤷‍♀️ Knowing how completely different we each grew up, I have to sometimes take a step back and let things be. Still be a good sister, and friend. I guess we support each other as much as we can. Or maybe we don't? ugh so complicated!🤦‍♀️ I don't want to step on any toes, and I'm not here to interfere in their life. I simply want the best for them and for them to live their best life as much as possible.

It's strange, sometimes I can sense things, even when most of our talking is via texting or messaging! And I know we all have our struggles, some more than others. And we don't always open up about those struggles. Instead we keep our head high, push it off like it's no big deal and hide behind a smile, and sip on some wine, coffee, water, whatever lol. We don't want to burden others with our problems. It's not theirs, it's ours so no need to bother them with our issues. I also find some people would rather not ask for help, because they feel it makes them look weak, or perhaps they are ashamed. I know it's not easy to talk and ask for help, because I'm still learning how to do that myself! I still lack courage and sometimes the words just don't know to exit my mouth and form a sentence.🚫 I'm not saying my sisters or even myself are in need of dyer help or anything. They know that if they need help or advice and a shoulder to lean on, an ear to hear their concerns and struggles, I am there for them. (I tell them all the time!) I am here for anyone really. I know how good it feels and how much weight can be lifted off your shoulders by just talking. Even if you have to cry, it's no big deal. I cry all the time!!🤣🤣🤣 So let it all outl! We'll cry together. I got you!! 😘💕

Anyways, I feel like I went into some sort of psychology mode! My bad, just typing away my feelings, since I don't know how to form the words sometimes. lol

So currently being a sister to me feel likes like being a great friend. Even when you don't approve of certain things or argue, have a disagreement, sometimes it's ok to agree to disagree and move on. (unless of course that persons life/health is at stake,but that's another topic) No need to let it linger and cause fiction in the relationship. It's just not worth it. We don't always approve of everyone's choices or decisions in life, but that doesn't mean we can't all get along be civil, hold conversations, be happy and show support for each other as human beings. Life really is too short. Maybe I see it this way also because I am only now getting to know my sisters. 30 something years later! How crazy, amazing and wonderful that God blessed us with this opportunity. He united us again for a reason.🙏 I just gained them back in my life, and seeing as we are off to a good start, I don't want it to go astray. I don't want to loose touch or grow apart. I'd like for all 3 of us to get a long and gain closeness with each other. Individuality is a wonderful thing, and I love how different we are, but yet we have similarities too! I love that we each like old school music, but different genres. We like some of the same movies, and then some we just don't care for, or maybe never heard of. We love to joke and just talk about life. I love learning more about them, and relearning things they already told me, but I forget, because this still all feels new and I forget stuff sometimes!😆 lol It's really nice, and I hope to keep it up.

I can hardly wait for the time to come when we can finally meet!

The anticipation until the final meet up will all be worth it.❤