Family

For this blog I wanted to talk about family. What is a family? I'm sure everyone will have a different definition. But as for me, I'd like to talk about what I consider the qualities that make up a family. I'm sure I will forget some things, but here goes.

For me, family never was about being blood related. Although I do think that does make a family too, but that's just within the same blood line. Family to me, are the people who take you in as their own. Who don't judge you, but will be truthful when needed. They may hurt your feelings, but it's for a better purpose. This does not mean they insult you, talk down to you, manipulate you, belittle you, or lie to your face. Family is there when you need them, and there when you don't need them. You could go weeks, months, perhaps years without talking, but you will still pick up where you left off. Family doesn't mean you will always agree, or see eye to eye, but you can agree to disagree and move forward. You may fight and argue, but in the end you still have love and respect for each other, and will forgive and move on. Sometimes you find you have a closer connection to a family member, and that's ok! No other person you consider family should be jealous or envious. They may crack jokes about it, but it's only in good fun. Family doesn't talk bad or bad mouth you behind your back. Family is genuinely happy for you and your success. They push you, drive you to do your best. They give you advice if needed, but will not be forceful or overbearing. Your family will give without expecting anything back. Receiving back is just a plus! No family is perfect though. No matter if they are blood related or not.

With that said, I have had my fair share of experience with family. I was adopted into a family. Not my blood family, but a family who took me in as their own, and raised me, taught me, cared for me, and loved me when it seemed no one else could. I gained a family when I moved and lived in Hawaii. By far, Hawaii I think is where I found the closest and most rewarding family for me. And now I have found my blood family. Now the thing with all families, which I said earlier is, no family is perfect. And seeing as I am a new person suddenly coming into this blood family, not everyone will be as welcoming. Not all the family will be as accepting. Some will turn their heads, close their mouths, and walk away. Some will act as if they don't care, be rude, disrespectful, and cold hearted. They may want nothing to do with me. And that's ok. Rejection hurts, I won't lie. I mean it's not like I asked for the rejection or to be put into the situation I was forced into as a child as a baby, but that's not their concern, and I understand that and will respect it. If someone doesn't want to get to know me, then so be it. I won't pursue a relationship with them either. I started my journey to find my birth family, to try and feel a connection with my real blood family. Don't get me wrong, I love all my non related family!! With all my heart! But this was a different connection I wanted to try and find. It's hard to explain really. I think that's all we want in a family. A connection. A genuine connection. I want nothing more than that. A connection and to build on that and gain a meaningful and happy relationship with my family. All my family. Blood related, or not.

Let's get this straight. I know that what I call family, some may not, or won't see it that way. All the things of what I think makes a family doesn't mean I have that perfect family. Remember, no family is perfect. So I know, even if I say family doesn't judge, I know someone out there I call family, may be judging me and talking about me behind my back. They may say they got my back, but really they don't. They may be smiling in my face and talking shit when I'm not looking. Their true colors will come out, and karma will come for them. I don't need to do the same, and stoop to their level. Not saying I haven't done the same, but I'm older now, and I've learned a lot in this life of mine. And the reality is, it's a lonely one sometimes. Quality over quantity is usually best. I'm sure we all have that one aunt, uncle, cousin, brother, sister whatever, that we talk about, "oh there goes Uncle Tom again doing what he always does" or a so called 'black sheep" of the family, but at the end of the day, we will always respect them and remember that they are family, no matter what, that is the love and respect I yearn for in my family. And that is what I want to teach my daughter. That is what she will learn, and I want her to be loved as much as possible by the right people, by the people I call my family, the ones who truly deeply want to be apart of it.

I want to surround myself around good and positive people, and if they aren't helping me grow, helping me better myself, and bringing me happiness and joy when I'm around them, then I guess they won't be apart of my family.

To my family: I love you, and I thank you for sticking by my side, and accepting me as I am. Thank you for being there for me, for loving me. My family is small, and I'm ok with that. Love you all!