The sisters I never knew

So if you've been keeping up with my blog, you now know about the situation surrounding my adoption, and that I discovered I have siblings! If you're not caught up, then stop reading this post and go catch up!!

Well now to move on with my story! So with the help of my search angel, I discovered I have a sister who is about two years older than me, and I also have an older brother. Sadly, my brother passed in 1995. I actually learned that I have TWO sisters!! Both older, making me the baby! My eldest sister was Cat, then there was Patty, who I guess would be the middle sister, seeing as I'm the youngest. My search Angel got in contact with them and they were eager and excited to talk to me. Apparently, they knew about me! Which at first perplexed me. I unfortunately didn't share the same amount of excitement as they did. Not that I wasn't excited to find out I had two sisters! I was excited, it's just that discovering all this new info surrounding my adoption, and finding out I have siblings, who know of me, it was all just so overwhelming. So much new info, it felt like an emotional overload. I was also nervous. I mean, I have TWO sisters, who I know nothing about. As a kid, I use to say I wanted a sister, and now I had two. My search angel started a group chat so that we could talk. I tried not to hesitate too long to jump in and say hi.

The chat started with warm greetings and then lots of questions. They were happy to finally chat with me, and to have me back in their lives. They asked about my family I was raised with, what I knew about my adoption and general things about me. I of course had tons of questions for them. But couldn't bombard them with a million questions all at once. I was already feeling overwhelmed with emotions. So taking my time with this was key. Mentally it was also what was best.

They shared pictures of their family and kids, and I shared pics of my family as well. We talked and learned about each other, like what we each do for a living, birthdays, hobbies, etc. They also shared pictures of mom, our brother, and even our grandmother. They even found a couple baby pictures of me!

Me as a baby! Aren't I cute!

Our mom

It felt odd to finally see pictures of my mother. As I use to always wonder if I looked anything like my mother, or like my father? And now I had a picture to look at, and I couldn't even tell if I shared any resemblance to my mother. Sounds weird right? My sisters even made a collage of all of us to see if I might share resemblance to them and mom. I stared at the collage, and stared at it hard, but my mind was blank. I couldn't see it. Why couldn't I see it? What was wrong with me? This is my family, I obviously share some physical attributes, but perhaps my mind was too overwhelmed that I was blinded. Patty thought maybe I looked like my sister cat, They saw resemblance in moms smile and even her eyes in me. I started to kind of see it as well. I made my own collage and I then I saw it. It was strange. Finally, I had a face to put to the word "mom". Now I could finally say, hey I have my moms smile!

my mom and a picture of me

I had something that sort of bothered me in my heart, and I needed to ask, I had to know why they never searched for me. I mean, after all they knew about me, they knew I existed. But for me I knew nothing about them, or that they even existed. They informed me, that they knew my name had been changed, but they didn't have my last name correct. They even knew I was adopted by an African American family. They just weren't sure how to go about looking for me, nor did they have the funds to conduct a search. So they felt that when the time was right, they hopped I would look for them. And what do ya know, I did! This put my mind at ease, and I had no hard feeling at all.

My sisters were so happy to learn about me, that they wanted to video chat with me so bad! I was still not ready for that step yet. I think this hurt them a bit, but I did my best to reassure them that I meant nothing negative by it. It was just me, and trying to deal with everything and to gain the courage was going to take some time. Thankfully, they were understanding, and let me do things as I felt ready. It actually took me about 2 months before we had our fist video chat. It wasn't long, but it was fun and felt great. We have chatted a few times since then.

The word "sisters" was and still is a whole new concept to me. We have a biological connection, but in the beginning we had no personal connection. Not yet any ways. We had plenty of time to connect though. And that's pretty much what we have been doing. I have learned a lot about them, and they have learned a lot about me. We each have grown up so differently. Our personalities are our own, but even then, we share similar likes, dislikes, style, taste in music, interest, and of course there are things we don't agree on too. They have shared with me stories about mom, and their growing up. And like me, they also have had their share of struggles and hard times. As kids and even in their adult lives. What person hasn't? Life is full of lessons to be learned, and challenges to over come, and new discoveries to be made. It's all about how we handle the situations we are put in.

Even though, having sisters is new to me, I'm taking it one step at a time. I have lots to learn and will continue to learn every day. Sometimes, I feel like there is still a lot I don't understand, but in time things will get easier and hopefully some questions will be answered. I still have to find my father too. I'm sure there is more to learn on his side of the family as well!

Finding my sisters is a blessing, and I'm grateful to have them in my life again. I hope to meet them one day soon as well. That is when this will all feel even more real. To finally give them a hug, and of course I'll cry my eyes out!

My journey is not over, it has only just begun.