Racial Identity

So I want to talk about a topic I never thought much of, until now. Race. *Disclaimer: This is my truth and my thoughts, my feelings. It is not meant to offend anyone in any kind of way. And I'm not looking to start any kind of debates*

Growing up, I was told that my race, or ethnicity, was that of a mixed one. Specifically I was told I was, Native American, African American, Italian, and some others that were never named to me. No Latino ethnicity or race was ever mentioned in the mix. Well once I became an adult and left home, I discovered what I presumed was my real ethnicity, from my sister in law. She told me I was Puerto Rican, Spanish(like from Spain), and black. I believe I was about 20 years old at the time. At that moment I started to identify as Puerto Rican. I was happy and proud, and when I was living in Hawaii, I was even more excited when I discovered the Latin community, amongst those, lots of Puerto Ricans! My peoples!! lol And wouldn't you know it, I fell in love with a handsome Puerto Rican man!

Well now that I have done an DNA test and found my birth mother and my sisters, I have also discovered, I am not Puerto Rican. If you've been keeping up with my blog you know all this, if not well guess what? I am, Mexican, Salvadorian, and even Hungarian! Not a bad thing at all, just...new and different. And growing up, my mother, unfortunately always put down the Latin community. Specifically, Mexicans. Was she racist? Not really, but some of what came out her mouth would make you think other wise. And let's be real, in society, people tend to down talk the Mexican culture. Even other Latinos do it too. Heck I've probably done it!

sI feel a racial conflict inside me. I'm trying my best to not feel so conflicted. I do have other things to be more worried about! Lols or that", " or anything which practically belittles Mexicans. (If it's a compliment then that's totally cool lol) Ok so yeah, apparently I am Mexican. Still adapting to it. I know some things are said in jokingly manner, or they really mean nothing cruel by the words they say. And sometimes people don't even realize they are saying something hurtful. That's only a few though. So for the others,why do some of these people feel the need to belittle another race. Especially if it's another member of their own Latin community? Granted, a lot of people (close friends and family mainly)still think of me as "Puerto Rican" and I find it difficult some times to correct them and say "well Actually..I'm Mexican, and Salvadorian." Why? Because I know the next statement out of most peoples mouth will be "Wait what? I thought you told me you were Puerto Rican?" Ugh..now this is where an explanation would need to come in to play to better help that person(s) understand. Maybe I don't need to explain,(it would also be an emotional thing to explain because I'm a big cry baby!🤣) but the situations seems to call for one, other wise if I don't explain, the person(s) is left confused as heck! I don't blame them, because if they don't know it's not their fault. It's mine for not sharing my discovery with them. I should be able to speak up and be like "Hey!! I'm Mexican!" or "Hell yea, my people did that!!" But I am not quite that out spoken. I'm learning to do so though, with new people and conversions that come up. Also seeing as it's new to me, it still feels a little wierd? But I'll get there eventually. I've been hanging around and taking in the Puerto Rican Culture for the last 15 years! I practically am Puerto Rican! Well that's how I feel. lol I know plenty of people will say my ethnicity/race doesn't change who I am as a person. And this is correct. Unfortunately race is put into almost every aspect of life in our society. I want to connect more with my true ethnicity, and take in those cultures too! Over all I am Latino. I kind of don't even want to have to choose an ethnicity. Why do I have to say what I am? I am human! I have practically all the same organs as everyone else. We all have a heart and we all bleed the same. My race is not relevant to the person I am. I will forever hear belittling things about my race, as well as others, and it saddens and even sickens me a bit. Again, this is just about my experience and my view of things and what I am going through emotionally. I mean I identified as Puerto Rican for 15 years, and now it feels like I'm supposed to get up and automatically identify as Mexican, Salvadorian and Hungarian. I already get crap because I don't speak Spanish, and people feel it necessary to lecture me on why I should learn to speak it. ugh I get it, pero yo no habla espanol, ok? Adios!

So anyways, I feel a racial conflict inside me. I'm trying my best to not feel so conflicted. I do have other things to be more worried about! Lol

As humans, we are all proud of our backgrounds and where we come from. Everyone has something to be proud of and wants to boast and say they are better, or they did it first. Whether it's from immediate side of the family, or from distant relatives, great grand parents, etc. We all come from different cultures. It's perfectly ok to be proud, of the food,cultural history, etc, but let's also remember to not put each other down. Let's lift each other up. Especially in our Latin community. Latin America is pretty big and we have 33 different countries in our culture. That's a lot of lifting to do! Lol Every country comes with it's good and bad. It's happy history and it's not so happy history. But hey, isn't that life?

So maybe now on the US Census, I will choose to mark "some other race" and I won't identify as anything. I know I am mixed, I am Latina(and darn proud of it lol), but most importantly I am also human.