Family

Family. It feels both funny and foreign at times. The meaning of family varies for everyone, with expectations tied to the word and the people we associate with it. Ever since discovering I was adopted, I've been on the hunt for my family—a real connection. No mom to call for advice or help, no dad to fix my car or spend weekends with. No parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, or grandparents in contact, some who may not even know I exist!

I do have my two sweet and strong-willed sisters, with whom I'm still growing my relationship. Learning and experiencing new things with them is a constant journey. While I'm not as close to them as I'd hoped, I feel blessed to have them in my life. My relationship with them isn't quite like others might have with their siblings—I never grew up with mine, and we still haven't met. But we will one day. Oh, how I dream of the day where I can book a trip with my family and just go surprise my sisters! 🙏🏼

I also have my husband and his family. But that's an interesting relationship too. My mother and father in-law are the sweetest, and I love them! They're old-fashioned and religious in their thinking and way of life. They did a fabulous job raising their son, and I'm so grateful for them. They always think of our daughter, showering her with love and, of course, spoiling her with gifts.

The more I learn to have boundaries and recognize patterns of behaviors and energies I don't want to be around, the more I realize it's okay that my "family" isn't huge. I do wish at times that things were different for my daughter's sake. But I will not force her to have relationships with people who don't wholeheartedly want to or care to spend time with her. I won't force her to go and say "Hi" to Auntie whoever just because we've crossed paths at a party. They can say "Aww, we miss you!" all they want, but I know their actions speak louder than their words.

I also refuse to attend holiday parties only to see you during that time of year or come to attend a dinner party just because family is visiting and suddenly wants our presence to look good. Nope, no thank you. 🙅🏽‍♀️There are ofcourse the few exceptions.  This doesn't mean we won't go to family outings, but we are definitely holding boundaries and doing what we feel comfortable with. Family doesn't just invite us over 1 or 2 times a year. They don't call and communicate when it's convenient for them. I don't mean that family needs to be in contact with each other 24/7, but it's definitely more contact than 1-2 times a year or hardly ever even. Especially if you live in the same state or even only an hour away. 😒People like to use the excuse "we've just been busy and you know life...blah, blah." Well, if you wanted to make time for us, then you could have. We're all busy. We all have things to do. But when we genuinely care about people, we make time for them, no excuses. I'm tired of the one-sided family. I always try to give love back, but it doesn't always get reciprocated. We can't keep pouring from an empty cup. And if that makes us the black sheep, and no one wants to talk about us (like Bruno from Encanto, lol), then so be it! It's unfortunate that some people won't take the time to truly get to know us, but that's their loss, not ours.💯

Also, family isn't judgmental—well, they shouldn't be, but they probably are. Haha. Sadly, I often feel we are judged for the lifestyle we choose to live simply because it's not the life they think we should be living. It really doesn't matter. We are happy and successful. Success is not measured by how much money or material things you have. It goes deeper than that.

Why must we always compare ourselves to others and feel the need to look down on those who aren't living a certain way? You don't have to like it, but be respectful. If their livelihood and health aren't in danger, then stop trying to change people all the damn time! Ugh.

Family is more than just a bloodline. Family is who you make it. Some may disagree, but I feel like family isn't only blood. It's about loyalty and respect. I have found that some of my closest friends are more like family than my actual family. And they give me more support than family does. Even people I've never met, like the community on social media, show me more support. Now, will my family take offense to this? They might. Is that my problem? Nope. It's theirs. They need to figure out why that saying triggers them and why their actions may deem such a saying from me. Take a deeper look at yourself and be honest. Well, if you can. It's not easy to be honest with yourself. I'm still learning to do this with myself. This doesn't mean all family are like this—it's just some are.

Let me be honest with myself. Could I do a better job with family? Yes, absolutely. But also, I will hold my boundaries, and I will not change who I am to please anyone. That is not me anymore. I used to do that. That was the old me, and she is no longer here. But yes, I could probably do a better job somewhere along the way. But honesty is important, so tell me, and let's chat and maybe even cry about it. Because I'm a big crier! lol. Being an adult isn't easy, but we gotta do it, and we should be accountable for our actions. It's hard though; I get that. Some people just aren't there in their life. Sadly, they may never get there.😔

I wish the family connection was tighter. But also, I'm learning to be okay with it the way it is. If things make a change who knows what may happen?! To be honest, though, my family is my husband, my daughter, our dog, and our cat. That's my family. That's my connection there. They are the family I've always wanted and dreamed of. They are my blessing and truly my family connection I've been yearning for so much.❤️❤️