A letter to my sister (s)

Dear Sister,

I'm not sure where to start with this letter, so I'll begin with this: I'm really saddened that you have chosen not to talk to me. That you have chosen to block me on social media, ignore my text messages, and go on as if I don't exist. Maybe that wasn't your intention, but I wouldn’t know because you have chosen not to communicate with me. This reaction really leaves me confused and, most of all, hurt. I'm not even sure why you have chosen to do this to me. All I ever wanted was to get to know you, be there for you, help you if I can, and just learn more about you and grow our relationship together. I thought you also wanted the same.

But now it feels like maybe you don't? It feels like if you don't get your way, or if someone doesn't agree with you and your views, then you decide to cut them off. This is selfish. Not everyone is out to hurt you, especially me. I'm trying to get to know you, but you really don't make it easy. Sometimes it feels like I'm talking to a wall. You feel so closed off. And maybe it's not easy for you to open up and be honest with me.

Maybe your past experiences have made you more cautious and protective. I've only ever wanted to help you, without judgment. No matter how I express this to you, I know I still can't force you to open up. You have to be willing to do it on your own. I know we won’t always agree on things, and that’s okay. We can agree to disagree and move forward. But I also want us to grow our relationship, which takes personal growth too. It’s not always sunshine and rainbows, and it doesn’t always feel good, but growth and comfort don’t live in the same place.

I see so much great potential in you. The potential to do anything you want. The potential to achieve goals for you and your family. The potential to be a better version of yourself. The potential to do better and be better than the circumstances you were forced to be in while growing up. The potential to give your children the life you wish you had. The potential to do better than people think you can do. But I worry whether or not you see the potential in yourself. Whether or not you truly believe in yourself and your self-worth. And it hurts me more than you realize. I can’t do the changing for you. I can and will always be here to help you through the growth, but I can’t do the work for you.

I’m always here to encourage and uplift you. To be honest and loving even if you don’t like it. Sometimes the truth hurts, but we can grow stronger and better from it. The truth is you are capable of doing so much more than you give yourself credit for. The truth is you’ve hurt me, but we don’t have to sit in that forever. The truth is, I want us to grow a strong bond, and I need you to also want this and show me that you do. The truth is, I don’t feel the same reciprocation in this relationship. The truth is, it always feels like it’s all on my shoulders to grow our bond, to get to know you, to find you, to meet you, to communicate.

The truth is, it’s tiring. I’m tired of worrying, of wondering, and sometimes of caring. The truth is sometimes I want to give up and say forget it. If she doesn’t want to be my sister, then so be it. If she wants to continue down that path, then let her. If she thinks she’s better off without me, then maybe she will be. I’ve been fine this whole time, before I took the time and effort to actually seek my sisters out. It must not mean that much to her, so maybe I’ll just stop communicating altogether. If she wants to act like I don’t exist, I can do just that.

Sometimes it feels like I give so much, and I don’t ever get the same reciprocation back. But I continue to do it, because I care so much. Because I have such a huge heart. And truthfully, I want so much to have a legitimate family connection. I’ve been looking all my life to have a real family, to have a family connection of some sort. I’ve found it and I’m working so hard to keep and grow the connection. But I’m feeling tired. I’ll always love you and I’ll always want what’s best for you and your babies. I want to see you all be happy, successful, and live the most healthy, happy life you can. I hope and pray I can be a part of that, and hear all the wonderful things, and even the difficult times, because I will be there for you through it all. The good, the bad, the ugly, and the beautiful. That is, of course, if you’ll let me in. If you’ll open up and allow me to be a part of it.

If we continue down the path we are on now, then I guess I won’t be a part of it. It’s truly up to you, sister. I have never and will never cut you off unless you choose to do the same to me.

I give you your space, and let you have whatever time you need. I won’t always do the reaching out anymore, because I’m tired of doing all the work in our relationship. That doesn’t mean I’m not here for you. It just means, I’m here when you’re ready. If ever. If not, then so be it, sis. That’s on you.

I would love to continue to grow our sisterly relationship and get to know you and even more about our family, our mother, and all that stuff! I know sisters have their disagreements, all family and friends do. It’s just a part of life. I just hope it won’t stay like this, and we can get to talking and chatting again. After all, how can I meet you in person, if you don’t ever want to talk to me?